This phrase has been echoing in my mind. I read it and hear it everywhere I go.
Somewhere along the line as 2018 has been drawing to a close I let my expectant (my word for the year) attitude slip away. I started striving and busying myself with noble distractions. As this phrase has echoed in my mind, I know exactly why.
I don’t know how God will use me or why He chose me.
I am always humbled when God shows up and paints a clear picture of how He is leading but then my humanity kicks in. I begin to freak out. I feel inadequate for the calling placed before me and the vicious cycle starts.
The noble distractions lead to exhaustion that leads to the downward spiral of self-doubt. Not far behind is the pit of wounds and heartaches that love to rear their ugly heads at this opportune time.
Suddenly, I have a choice to make.
I can choose to continue to pursue noble distractions.
I can choose to live in self-doubt.
I can choose to allow past heartaches to hold me back, which leads to going numb.
I can also choose to not allow those things to take up residence in my mind and life. We always have a choice with our thoughts and actions.
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24
2018 will always be a favorite year for me. The feelings of joy, hope, and peace were right there. Feelings are fleeting though and that’s why sometimes I have to choose to show up even when my feelings are stuck in the vicious cycles that humanity throws my way.
Showing up is a choice.
Let me repeat that for those of you who are like me and need to hear things multiple times.
Showing up is a choice.
Even though I basically needed it in neon lights, I get why the phrase “show up” has been showing up (no pun intended) everywhere in my life. I need this reminder today and in the days ahead. I’m going to claim it as my phrase for 2019.
I want to show up for my relationship with God every day even when I have a million tasks on my to-do list. I want to show up, be present, and intentional with Scott and our kids. I want to show up for the community that God has given me. I want to show up as a writer for you and the call that God has placed on my life, which hopefully includes a completed book this year.
I choose to show up so that God can show up through my obedience. I’m not going to pretend that it is easy, but most things worth doing aren’t easy.
Remember, friends, we’re in this together. We all have our own, unique choices to make. Sometimes it's a physical showing up. Other times, it's being present and engaged.
There have been life seasons when I have physically had to drag myself out the door to show up at church. Through God's grace and the example of my amazing parents, I've learned how to thrive in the local church. I've NEVER regretted showing up to love on my community and worship God. Never.
Lately, I've been challenged with the thought of how I've been showing up for my call to write and serve you through words. After doing this for a year, I've learned a lot.
There are five people that have received the manuscript for my book. Five people that are helping me march towards the finish line to publishing. Every time I send it to someone new, I get sweaty palms and a racing heart. It's my blood, sweat, and literal tears. Sometimes, I want to just e-mail the Word document to my mom and forget about the rest but then I remember that God has called me to more than that. He's called me to show up.
So, I make the choice to continue to show up.
When we choose to show up, it may allow someone else to muster up the courage to show up as well. Oh, the impact our choices can have. God can multiply our obedience.
Cheers to 2019 and all God will do through the simple, but sometimes hard, act of showing up.
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2
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