When We Go Numb
At some point in our lifetime, we will want to pull the covers over our head and sleep away a portion of our life. We will long to block out the world while keeping any feelings at bay.
When I begin to feel this way, I've noticed a pattern begin to happen.
I stare at the words in my Bible re-reading the same sentence over and over hoping for something to sink in.
I keep conversations at surface level. Not that I prefer that but I don’t have the mental capacity for deep conversation.
I pray quick, unattached prayers like, “Lord, whatever you want,” which is sometimes sincere and other times a sassy acknowledgement that He’s in control and not me.
Suddenly, I realize I’m going numb.
I’d rather be binging Netflix or devouring a good fiction novel.
I’d rather be scrolling social media to see everyone’s highlight reels.
I’d rather stay numb. Numb is safe, easy.
The opposite of numb is to be alert, sensitive, and responsive.
Disappointments and exhaustion are two things that can quickly make us go numb. We don’t want to deal with the pain or the feelings. It’s easier to pull the covers over our heads for a quick escape.
We cannot fully rely on our feelings. Feelings are sneaky.
I’ve learned to keep trusting and praising God even when I don’t feel like my circumstances warrant that behavior. Even when I feel like life isn’t fair and injustice is all around me, I trust Him… and that’s faith.
This verse came alive for me during a recent Bible study.
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm—my great army that I sent among you.” Joel 2:25
I never thought a verse from the book of Joel (let alone a verse about an insect) would become a life verse but it is quickly making its way up the charts of my top ten.
When we were adopting from China, we had a referral that didn’t work out. It was terrible because we were the ones that had to say that we weren’t the family for that little girl. I’ll never forget her name. I became physically ill over the situation because when we said no it was like I lost a child. My feelings were all in.