God Gives Me What I Need, When I Need It
Recently, I won tickets to the CAIN concert through an Instagram giveaway. The crew from Carly Jean Los Angeles (CJLA) were coming to Nashville to do some events, and this was one of them. I happened to notice their Instagram post about free tickets at just the right moment, and I was one of the lucky winners to receive two tickets. (I love it when God gives us simple, fun gifts!)
All week I thought about which friend I should take with me. I never ended up asking a friend, because I kept thinking maybe Bailey will want to go with me.
Sure enough, she did!
I was thankful that she said yes because I had waited until the day before the event to ask her. It’s not as easy for my mama friends to leave their families for an evening on such short notice.
We drove to the event and talked about all the things. I was excited to possibly meet Carly Jean herself. Bailey was chattering away about school and gymnastics. The conversation turned to a recent disappointment in her life.
We talked about how things don’t always come easily. Just because we are called to do something and doing our absolute best, doesn’t mean it’ll be easy.
We grow so much in the journey, and it can be a lot of work.
We were discussing a recent disappointment in Bailey’s life, but my head kept taking me back to my own disappointment. The words I was saying to Bailey, I needed to hear myself.
When I started writing, I remember hearing from another writer that it took her five years to start making money off of her writing career. At the time, it brought me comfort to know that it was OK to break even for the first few years. I had time.
Well, that was six years ago, and the needle hasn’t moved much.
As a planner in all aspects of my life, I can feel the financial needs of the driving and college years of my kids breathing down my neck. It causes me to panic and want to go back to the “easy” way of making money.
Sitting behind a desk. Pumping out killer spreadsheets. Out of the spotlight of other people’s opinions. It beckons my introverted side.
It. Would. Be. So. Easy.
So, I keep asking God this question, “How can I help support my family and follow the calling that you’ve put on my life?”
I haven’t gotten an answer yet, but two things happened yesterday that may not seem as glamorous as winning tickets to a concert and being a CJLA guest but I assure you that they are invaluable.
First, on Sunday morning, the pastor at my church shared a verse from the book of John when
John was asked why he wasn’t baptizing as many people as Jesus. (This group of men must’ve had a competitive edge.) John’s reply was freeing.
“A person can receive only what is given from heaven.” John 3:27
God knows everything my family needs now and in the future. He knows the cars we’ll need to buy and where our kids will be heading after high school. He also knows my thoughts and internal struggle. He made me, right?
I have to trust that He will give me what I need, when I need it. I don’t love typing that, but I also know that it is true.
The second thing that happened, happened at the concert last night. Bailey began to share a verse with me that stood out to her. It was 2 Corinthians 5:15.
“And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
She went on to talk about how she’d love to put this verse on the back of a t-shirt. On the front of the t-shirt, she’d write ALWAYS LIVE FOR JESUS. My heart soared as I listened to her dream.
Yes, a writing and speaking career is very hard and disappointments come easily, but I can rest in two truths.
1. I can only receive what is given to me from God. It’s up to Him.
2. My goal is to always live for Jesus.
So, I keep writing, pursuing speaking engagements, and dreaming about t-shirts and other kingdom-building resources. (If you create t-shirts or need a speaker for an event, reach out to me!)
If you’ve made it this far, I know that you love me, and thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable with you. I know I am not alone in the struggle of a hard calling.
The enemy would love nothing more than to distract us with disappointments, money, and fear, but God has so much MORE for us than giving into those things.
P.S. If you’re wondering, I got to meet Carly Jean last night! It was such a highlight for me. I’ve bought her clothes and followed her on Instagram for years. I dream of going to her tent sale in Southern California sometime. She loves Jesus and shares good content! If you’re on Instagram, you should check her out!
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