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When Loss Makes You Want to Build a Bridge

bridge over water

Adoption doesn’t happen without loss, and there are certain times throughout the year when that reality smacks me right in the face. May is that month for me.

The Month of May

I’d heard that the month of May for school-aged kids produces a busier schedule than holiday activity-filled December. Before this year, this was a myth to me. As I currently juggle class parties, preschool graduation, and multiple sports, I get it. It’s like I’ve officially pledged into the sorority of motherhood.

As my family runs this marathon to the finish line of May, I keep desperately wanting everyone to slow down and acknowledge that there are people missing. May is filled with special dates that are a reminder of all that was lost.

May always holds Mother’s Day.

May always holds Brielle’s “Gotcha Day” anniversary.

May always holds Brielle’s birthday.

May isn’t just another month in our household anymore. There is so much to celebrate and so much to mourn. Two women—Brielle’s birth mom and foster mom—are missing and always a thought away in my mind. They made the greatest sacrifice for Brielle and will likely never get to celebrate with her again this side of heaven.

I constantly pray that these women know Jesus and that I’ll be able to wrap my arms around them in heaven someday. It gives me so much hope. Plus, how amazing will that be?

The Ache to Build a Bridge

Brielle’s orphanage gave us a photo album filled with pictures from her life in China. In many of the pictures, there is a lady cropped out. Most pictures only show the woman’s arm as she holds Brielle steady for the picture.

Brielle with her foster mom

How I long to be able to zoom out on those pictures and see her foster mom’s face. If only I could look into that woman’s eyes, tell her Brielle is doing great, and thank her for selflessly giving of herself.

Y’all, May is hard!

Those pictures are the only glimpse I have into the past that I ache to bridge. If it were humanly possible, I would find a way to correct all of the pain and loss and “build that bridge.”

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