When You Are Walking Towards Jesus in Faith, He is Always Walking Towards You
Sunday, November 8, 2020, is a day that I never want to forget. It was an absolutely beautiful 80-degree day (that in and of itself is noteworthy). It was more than the fantastic Fall weather that made it an unforgettable day. It was a day when the presence of God was so real in my life that I could feel it.
You see, a few days earlier, we received news from our adoption agency that our home study may need to be redone or updated. When you have been in an adoption process for over two years, and you are starting to glimpse the finish line, this news was like a punch to the gut.
We were expecting to be anxiously awaiting a court date soon. We were not expecting more paperwork.
I got the e-mail just as my kids were stepping off the bus, and there was no way that my shock and tears could be hidden from them.
Picture this. Scott is out of state for work, and the kids and I are at home “dealing” with this news. I am crying. Two kids are crying with me, and one kid is asking if we have to get a new home since they didn't like our “home” study. (Bless their little minds and hearts.)
Our family is truly all in this together.
I cried because I had done everything right with our adoption paperwork. I met every deadline. I checked off every box on every list. I was on top of every renewal when paperwork would expire. God blessed me with the gift of detail, and yet, I could not control what was happening.
Each day that passes ushers me further into my Savior’s presence. A grace and mercy that I have never experienced before. A peace that passes understanding.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3
We have a plan to get this paperwork issue resolved, but we have no timeline or for sure way to get it done. It is like we are piecing together a puzzle until we get the right piece to fit. We have no control.
Here is what we do have.
We have an army of prayer warriors praying for favor over our adoption and paperwork. They are praying that we have clarity for the next steps. They are praying that no matter what happens we feel peace and find strength. They are praying over the health and well-being of our son.
I cannot get over the number of people approaching the throne on our behalf... On behalf of an orphan. A group of people rallying in prayer and surrender for one orphan to be in a family is just about as beautiful as it gets.
That led us to Sunday, November 8.
Our kids had Christmas musical practice before church, and Scott and I were just hanging out in the van before church actually started. Honestly, I was not feeling chatty. Mainly because I didn’t want to be a crying fool to every person that talked to me.
But, God was like, Nope. I want you to feel and experience my grace today.
Almost immediately, a friend drives up to our van, hands Scott an envelope, and says, “This is to help with the adoption.” We never asked for financial help, but the amount of money this family gave to us will cover a home study update.
WOW, God! Won't God always do it?
I could feel God at that moment. He was reminding me that He is always faithful. No matter the road ahead, He will see this to completion.
As I pulled myself from the van, a friend hunted me down in the parking lot and gave me one of the best hugs I’ve had in my life. A hug that I felt deep in my soul and melted any anger or cynicism that I felt creeping in. A hug that said, You are not alone. I hurt with you.
We made it into the church service 30 minutes late. Yes, God was doing some work in the parking lot before we could get into the building.
We had a guest preacher, and at this point, you can probably guess what happened. His sermon was about God’s grace and how he longs to give our hearts peace before He calms the storm around us. (The sermon was so much better than I can give it justice, and the title of this blog came from the sermon too. Go watch it here!)
Tears streamed down my face for most of the service because God was meeting me exactly where I needed Him.
We ended the service at the altar in prayer over our adoption. We ended the day at the altar in prayer over our adoption with our small group.
I’ve literally never spent that much time at an altar, but my humanity needed that position of surrender. In that position of prayer, I could lay it all at my Father’s feet and find freedom from worry and negativity.
As I kneeled and opened my hands in surrender at the end of this perspective-shifting Sunday, I was able to surrender it ALL to the God who loves me, and my future son, more than I can ever ask or imagine.
I have my ideas of how I’d like for things to work out, but God’s ways are better.
I can’t plan anymore. I can only surrender.
When I walk towards God in faith, He’s always walking towards me. He’s ready to catch me when the lions threaten, the waves crash around me, or the fish swallows me whole.
November 8 reminded me that God is bigger than anything I face. I wouldn’t choose to walk through this valley. I would choose simple and easy every single time, but my Savior wants so much more for me than the ability to pat myself on the back and say, Well done. You did it.
As Scott and I sat on our front porch as November 8 drew to a close, I love what he said to me, “We were called to adopt this little boy, and I believe that it will happen.”
We fully trust and believe.
So, Lord, thank you for November 8 and the handles that you are giving us to hold onto.
(Another friend prayed for handles for us to hold onto this week, and I just love that!)
With all of our faith and trust, we surrender it all to You.
May Your grace and mercy be new every morning.