When the pandemic started, I told myself that I needed to give myself a break and lots of grace when it came to writing. I declared it was just a phase. I'd be back to having
time to write in no time at all.
"Let it go and just survive" was my new mantra.
For months, I've mainly shared quick social media memes and encouragements instead of well-thought-out content. I've tucked my second book away from my daily work and thoughts. I've hidden my speaking class notes under my bed. If I can't see them, I can't work on my craft and grow. Who needs to be a speaker when there are no crowds anyways?
I made excuses under the disguise of grace.
Somewhere in this pandemic-driven world, my honorable desire for grace took a wrong turn.
Recently, I declared through tears to Scott that there wasn't time for my selfish goals or work right now. Everyone else's needs mattered more than my unnecessary work.
I unknowingly labeled my God-given calling as selfish and unnecessary. The very thing that I have written against from the very beginning.
When did "pointing people to Jesus" become selfish and unnecessary?
I share this with you for three reasons.
1. There is so much unknown going on around us right now. Personally, I want to crawl under my covers and cry. You, too?
My family is two weeks away from the start of the new school year. I have three kids that will either be in school wearing masks or at home learning through computer screens. Neither option is ideal.
Adopting internationally during a global pandemic… Well, I don't recommend it. A mandatory quarantine is in place for anyone entering South Korea, which means a lot of time in-country that was not in our plans. All of this while praying we don't test positive for coronavirus during travel.
As I said, I just want my bed and a box of tissues.
You are probably facing different situations but similar feelings.
2. God-given callings always matter.
I don't want to ignore my need for extra grace right now, or that I might need a short break. Rest isn't a bad thing. But why did I start to believe that my calling to "point others to Jesus through words" was selfish and unnecessary?
To be completely transparent, it's easy to write when you can hide behind a computer screen. That's all I can do right now, and it's become a crutch for me.
My speaking plans were canceled. My work hours were disrupted.
Instead of reorganizing and restructuring my days, it was easy to put it all aside in the name of "extra grace for the pandemic."
The world needs hope now more than ever. Social media is full of scared and hopeless people looking for true hope. A hope that only Jesus can bring.
My writing ministry always matters, and I just want you to know that I truly don't want to waste it.
3. You and I have very similar thoughts and feelings right now.
We have pits in our stomachs and aches in our hearts from grieving lost experiences. Anxious thoughts from all of the unknowns all while wondering if things will ever go back to normal. Let's not forget the sleepless nights grasping for any sense of control.
We are all experiencing the same thoughts and feelings.
I recently bought a new battery pack for our weed eater so that I could control our grass situation. I was REALLY grasping for any sense of control. It felt good, but it was fleeting.
I need MORE than nice grass.
I need daily surrender and a relationship with my Heavenly Father.
If I actually laid in bed and cried all day, it wouldn't be good for my marriage, my kids, our adoption, or my calling. It would just be bad.
So, moving forward, I need a new mantra.
I want my days to be filled with grace AND lots of Jesus.
Isn't that exactly what the world needs during a global pandemic?
Now, more than ever, we need to surrender our plans and make sure that we're pouring into our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
When we trust Jesus, we can remember that His calling for our life always matters.
In Him, we find the strength to live out our callings for the good of those around us and the glory of God.