The above picture was taken in an airport four years ago.
The day our youngest daughter, Brielle, turned two years old and became an American citizen.
The day she met her brother and sister for the first time.
The day she woke up in Guangzhou, China and laid her head down to sleep in the small town of Sugarcreek, Ohio.
It was a monumental (and very long) day.
A day forever etched into my memory.
A day that always points me to hope and reminds me of God's faithfulness.
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I look at myself in that picture, and I can see the relief in my eyes.
A five-year prayer answered.
A daughter home. Safe and sound. One less orphan.
After the airport, I remember the desire to beg God for a “boring” life moving forward. I was tired. It was the beginning of losing myself in a new way that I’d never want to be found again.
Since this photo, I started writing again, we relocated to Tennessee, we felt the nudge to adopt again, and my first book released into the world.
But what about my boring life, God? I don’t know if I can do more.
The last four years have been full of larger leaps than I ever imagined.
God-filled callings and bigger dreams than I ever dared dream fulfilled.
A life only made possible by total reliance on a Heavenly Father that walks with me every step of the way. A God that orchestrates every detail and carries me when I can’t walk.
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life will find it.” Matthew 16:25
Four years later, I understand what it means to lose your life. It’s not a stripping of yourself at all. It’s finding yourself exactly how God created you to be.
It’s living every day relying on a God that’s bigger than you. A God that has to show up, or you will fall flat on your face.
It’s finding peace in the middle of a global pandemic as you stare at multiple scenarios of how God will move mountains to bring your son home amidst it all.
It’s being more concerned about living for the good of others and the glory of God than your own success or reputation.
Losing yourself isn’t really about being lost.
It’s about being found.