Who Is God? Remembering the Goodness and Greatness of God Amid Changes
What I believe about God impacts how I view myself and my ability to confidently pursue the calling He has placed on my life.
I basically took most of 2021 off from sharing anything that I wrote. My thoughts felt jumbled and unworthy of the internet.
I mean, I was busy. I absolutely enjoyed traveling to South Korea and just being a mom for a while, but then I became grumpy. My family was great, but I felt off.
I started in my old routine of “what now?” The same old questions began to swirl in my mind.
What do I do now? (Questioning.)
What is my purpose? (Deep thoughts.)
Am I really a writer? (Inadequacy.)
How can I make a speaking engagement actually happen? (Control-seeking.)
Those questions led me down the path of questioning if I was good enough to write and speak. Maybe, I was just fooling myself. Then, I remembered that writing is not about me.
I just want to live for Jesus and share about God with others. I want people to know about hope and joy and redemption—All the glorious things that stem from a relationship with the Lord.
I viewed God as second to my work and not the main thing. Looking back, I have always done that.
In my book Made for More, I wrote about how I used to walk the sidewalks of my college campus, and I would beg God to write his calling on my life in the sky. I wanted him to tell me to be a nurse, a teacher, a graphic designer, anything that would be concrete. Basically, I wanted a calling that would allow me to check a box that I had done what God had asked me to do.
I spent years overthinking and chasing a concrete answer to my life path simply because I was not putting God front and center. He was off to the side. I was good at keeping him involved, but I held Him at a distance.
The answer to all of my wandering has been simple but very hard.
God simply wants me to tell people about Him. A career, job, or hobby is always second. No matter what I am doing, I can always tell people about Jesus.
My question should have been, God, how would you like to use my writing?
But I am a flawed human being that can quickly turn good intentions into selfish ambitions. (I am sure no one else reading this can relate. Ha.)
I found my Rising Star Award that I received in 2009 at my first post-college job as I put our Christmas tree away in the attic last week. There was a time when climbing the career ladder was my biggest goal. I smiled at what the past twelve years have taught me about myself and God.
I know that when I forget who God is, my calling becomes overwhelming. It can seem pointless. Then, the questions start. Why am I even here? Why should I do this? Why so much pain?
So, I decided to list everything I know God is to snap me out of my selfish thoughts:
He is the Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords.
He is the Alpha and Omega (the beginning and the end).
He is my Savior, Redeemer, and Heavenly Father.
He is the ultimate Healer.
He is Constant and Faithful.
He never changes His mind about me.
He brings joy and peace in all circumstances.
He wants to spend my time on earth AND eternity with me.
He will right every wrong, and justice will prevail.